Some of this is reprinted from my column in the Santa Barbara News-Press (October 2022).
Central Oregon is one of the very few locations in the USA where one stands a decent chance of surviving an exchange of nuclear weapons with Russia or China.
Whether by miscalculation, accident or by design, it could happen.
What this Means for our Many Subscribers in the Santa Barbara Area
Vandenberg Space Force Base, 11 miles north of Lompoc, is a Russian nuclear target and so is Los Angeles due to its high density population. (Russian targeting is tightly focused on military bases, large civilian populations and critical infrastructure, a doctrine based on inflicting as much damage as possible and rendering it difficult for the opposing country to survive.)
If Mad Vlad explodes a nuclear “Tsar Bomba” (100 million tons of TNT) as an airburst over Vandenberg, almost everyone in Santa Barbara will die from thermal burns or radiation sickness.
It is for you to monitor news media and read the signs carefully. And if/when you think a nuclear attack is a real possibility, pack up your car (the gasoline tank should always be half full) and get the heck out of Dodge.
Don’t wait for government to instruct you. If you do, it’ll already be too late, because all they’ll advise is to fill your bathtub with water, seal your home with wet towels and hope for the best. (Spoiler alert: a bathtub full of water, covering door and window cracks with wet towels and hoping for the best won’t cut it.)
When to Skedaddle
If any nuclear warhead is detonated anywhere in or around Ukraine, well, that’s the right time to skedaddle because from that point onward rapid escalation becomes feasible and the situation can spiral out of control in the fog of war to include the possibility of an accidental launch or a belief by one side that the other side has launched or is about to launch an all-out nuclear strike.
If that happens, you have about 30 minutes to flee.
You do not want to be caught in a gridlocked exodus on I-101 where road rage will be the least of your problems.
Go when the going is good, ahead of the mad panic—and stay calm.
Where to Go
There are seven options based on Russian targeting:
Northern Nevada: Not much there except Route 50, “The Loneliest Road in America,” and the small city of Ely with its 24/7 Denny’s.
Northern California: The Mount Shasta area. If you can get to know a few Lemurians, they may allow you access to their golden city a mile beneath this sacred mountain. If not, forget it.
In McCloud, a small town south of the mystical mountain, I was skeptical about ordering anything at a the only restaurant in town. I finally settled on a grilled cheese sandwich on the basis of, how can they fuck up a grilled cheese sandwich?
They can and they did: One slice of mangy American cheese, barely melted but stuck to the bread anyway.
So forget about the Mount Shasta area.
Instead, skip across the border into Oregon, specifically, Ashland with its plentiful supply of Lithia spring water, ideal for remaining calm under less than ideal circumstances.
West Texas: Marfa, with its “mystery lights,” is a pretty cool artists enclave so if you paint or sculpt that’s your spot. There is a Prada shop outside of Marfa so it works for Montecitans too. Wait, strike that, the Prada shop is just an artist’s “installation.”
Maine: Forget it, too far from SB and all routes are hazardous due to nationwide military bases and high-density populations (especially in the Rust Belt). But if you make it there, the Canadian border is close. That said, if Canada is your goal, no need to drive east, head straight north to Shasta then Ashland, drink some Lithia water, drive across northern Nevada and take a louie when you come to Idaho, go straight up the middle of the Gem State until you cross the border and don’t stop until you reach Banff.
Now back to Bend: Situated in central Oregon, Bend is isolated by valleys and mountains and is populated by outdoor folk who are proficient at survival skills and somewhat more compassionate than the hard core survivalists one finds in neighboring Idaho.
But speaking of Idaho: A small city named Moscow may, ironically, be the safest place of all.
Southern Wyoming also works (so long as you take your cowboy hat and don’t admit you’re from California).
What to Take
Bottled water. Lots of it.
Potassium iodide pills to protect from radiation sickness.
Tinned, canned and boxed non-perishable food.
A healthy supply of whatever prescriptive medications you need. (And don’t forget your recreational drugs, even the illegal ones like magic mushrooms, poetically linked to a mushroom cloud. Law enforcement, which no longer enforces much of anything, will revert to the Wild West era, at best.)
First aid kit (to include painkillers and antacids, the latter in case you end up in McCloud near Mount Shasta).
Shortwave radio. (The southern hemisphere should still be broadcasting, will be nice to hear from someone, anyone.)
Flashlights and extra batteries. (Needless to say, don’t count on electrical power.)
Matches and gas-fueled lighters.
A safety can of gasoline.
Portable tools (such as Leatherman and Swiss Army Knife) but take the whole tool kit if you have one.
Blankets, warm coats and well-constructed walking boots along with thick socks. (Could be a long cold winter.)
Important documents (passports, deeds, etc.—not that they’ll matter much anymore).
All the cash you can muster when Amex will no longer do nicely. (Don’t count on ATM machines.)
Even better, all the gold and silver coinage you can muster. (At some point folks are going to realize paper money is just, well, paper with fancy ink backed by nothing. Which may explain why gold is now hovering at around $2,350 an ounce.)
Whatever firearms you possess plus ammunition. If you have none, buy a baseball bat, pepper spray and/or stun gun, add knives, swords and machetes.
And of course take your pets—and food for them. (And, no, they are not food for you, it is your duty to protect every living thing over which you have control.)
Complacency Kills
Folks in sunny Southern Cal are generally a complacent bunch. No one is willing to comprehend just how dangerous the global tinderbox has become, just as Ukrainians were unwilling to accept all the signs that were there for them to see.
It has been said that an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. In this case, a pound of cure is not possible. All you’ve got is the ability to prevent being in the wrong place at the wrong time if/when a very bad event takes place.
Leave early. Think of it as a vacation. And if nothing happens—excellent! You’ve had a little break and, more important, a dry run and a little practice for the next time this occurs. (War with China? It’s coming…).
Putrid Putin
I truly hope Mad Vlad is just huffing, puffing and bluffing about his threat to use nuclear weapons for “defending” his illegal annexation of regions within Ukraine’s borders.
Maybe he will blink and nothing will happen. Let’s hope for that.
But Putin is boxed in like a cornered rat and pretty soon he’ll have nothing to lose by resorting to the only weapons he has left to him after expending his arsenal of missiles and Iranian suicide drones: chemical and nuclear. Add the deep resentment and hatred in his psychopathic brain for those—the USA and UK—he holds responsible for the disintegration of his beloved Soviet Union.
Remember, you’re dealing with a psychopath as well as a narcissist.
Referring to a nuclear strike rehearsed under Putin’s supervision encompassing missiles, planes and submarines, Colonel Igor Korotchenko, editor of Russia’s National Defense magazine, spoke to the media, specifically, about wiping Britain and the United States off the map. “It is very important,” he said, “we have shown our main enemies what awaits them,” adding, “This is not nuclear blackmail, this is what we would really do” (sink the UK into the ocean and turn the USA into a “naval strait” named after Joseph Stalin).
Two things to hope for if Putin takes the plunge and pushes the nuclear button in the Cheget briefcase that accompanies him everywhere:
One, his commanders refuse to oblige and depose him instead.
Two, the condition of his nukes and delivery systems are as decrepit as the tanks he sent into Ukraine—and blow up in his face.
Always have a contingency plan, in this case an exit ramp.
Always utilize your plan ahead of the masses because if/when everyone leaves at once, no one’s going nowhere.
But whatever you do, don’t listen to whatever numbskulls in government say or you’ll be dead before you even know what hit you.