NEWS REVUE

A Satirical Scan of Stories: Sharp, Skeptical & Sometimes Scathing

“California’s unfinished wildlife ‘bridge to nowhere’ tops $100M” (California Post)

Another California “vision.”

Another Gavin Newsom train to nowhere-like failure.

This time: a $100 million wildlife bridge so squirrels and mountain lions can safely cross the 101 freeway.

Because nothing says “functional government” like prioritizing cougar commutes over, well… everything else.

It started as vision, evolved into infrastructure—and devolved into a jobs program with landscaping. (Naturally, you need soil experts because the dirt has to feel emotionally supportive for the animals.)

Again, process vs. outcome. In California, process is where projects live forever without outcome in sight. Akin to splenic flexure syndrome.

The animals may eventually get their crossing. But right now, this thing is less a wildlife bridge and more a taxpayer migration route—straight into a construction and environmental black hole.

Can you imagine how weird and wacky the whole nation would become if Goofy Gav ever made it to the White House?

“Trump stunned by lurid rumor about Iran’s new ‘gay’ ayatollah” (Daily Mail)

Could be true. Or could be propaganda.

In a previous cycle, the new ayatollah was painted as impotent—weak, ineffective, diminished.

Now the narrative flips to “gay.”

Not chosen at random.

Chosen because it’s designed to destabilize perception inside Iran, where such allegations carry cultural and political consequences.

In other words: This isn’t really about the ayatollah, it’s about the audience.

Used to be, Question Authority.

Now it’s Question the News.

“The chilling six words Cesar Chavez muttered after he allegedly raped 13-year-old girl” (California Post)

He chillingly told her, “Don’t tell anyone. They’d get jealous,” according to a report.

For decades, certain figures were placed in a kind of cultural vault—sealed, protected, and periodically polished for public display.

Questioning them wasn’t just discouraged. It was treated as heresy.

Now those vaults are opening.

A statue once labeled hero has cracked—and reporters are shining flashlights into the fractures.

And those flashlights are illuminating the results of an investigation conducted by The New York Times as…

“Horrific details of Cesar Chavez rape scandal finally made public” (NY Post)

Ana Murguia claimed the abuse started when she was just 13, while Debra Rojas said she was first assaulted at 12 and later raped at 15.

Both women described a pattern of grooming that began when they were as young as 8 or 9 years old.

Their claims are supported by interviews, documents, and people they confided in over the years, according to the investigation.

Chavez has been lauded by the left across America for decades, with Presidents Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and Joe Biden celebrating him. Obama had a bust of him in the Oval Office during his presidency.

Cesar Chavez Day, celebrated on March 31, remains a legal holiday and paid day off for state employees.

Nothing to celebrate this year. Calle Cesar Chavez in Santa Barbara should be renamed.

“Trump’s face on a gold coin? His hand-picked panel will decide.” (WaPo)

No, it’s not satire. It just sounds like it.

A gold coin.

Not even subtle. Not copper. Not nickel. Not silver.

Gold.

Because if you’re going to anoint yourself, you might as well go full pharaoh.

“Russia Sends Oil & Gas Tankers to Crisis-Hit Cuba, Defying U.S. Blockade” (Moscow Times)

This should be fun to watch. I guess they don’t remember October 1962.

“Trump’s secret plan to ‘take Cuba THIS WEEK’ revealed: Discovery of ‘spies’ inside US government triggers Marco Rubio to mount covert operation” (Daily Mail)

Two sources with an ear to Cuban leadership explain that Havana's top brass are reportedly 'shaking in their boots,' terrified that the same fate that befell Iran's Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, who was killed in an airstrike last month, is now heading for the Caribbean.

Russian oil tankers invited to a party it may be too late to attend?

Yup, very much fun to watch.

“‘Put him on trial’: pro-Kremlin loyalist turns on Putin in rare outburst” (The Guardian)

Another reason Putin wants to put a lid on Russia’s internet.

Because Ilya Remeslo isn’t some fringe critic. He is a Kremlin-aligned lawyer and previously a reliable voice inside the pro-Putin ecosystem.

In other words: Part of the machine. Or used to be.

His unexpected manifesto: “Five reasons why I stopped supporting Putin.”

1. The war in Ukraine is failing
   What was sold as a quick, decisive operation turned into a prolonged, costly grind with no clear victory.

2. Massive human losses
   Russian casualties are far higher than officially acknowledged—bleeding manpower with no strategic payoff.

3. Economic deterioration
   Sanctions, isolation, and war spending are dragging down Russia’s economy and long-term prospects.

4. Endemic corruption and incompetence
   The system is riddled with graft, mismanagement, and self-preservation—undermining both the war effort and governance.

5. Russia is “falling apart” internally
   Social strain, political rigidity, and institutional decay are pushing the country toward instability.

“Putin Henchman Tossed in Psych Hospital After Shocking Plea to Russians” (Daily Beast)

Yep, you guessed it—Ilya Remeslo.

Locked up, within a matter of hours.

Lovely country, Russia.

“How a First-Grader Taught Her School District and a Federal Judge About Free Speech” (Jonathan Turley)

Somewhere in America, a first-grader drew a picture.

That alone wouldn’t normally trigger a constitutional crisis.

But this is the 2020s.

The drawing—reportedly expressing a benign “all lives” sentiment—was handed to a classmate. School officials treated it less like a crayon exercise and more like a potential threat to public order.

Enter school administrators, lawyers, a federal judge—lined up to argue that a six-year-old’s expression could be suppressed in the name of “safety and well-being.”

And for a while, they won.

A lower court accepted the premise that elementary school students occupy a constitutional grey zone where free speech doesn’t exists.

Then came the reversal when the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals stepped in and did something increasingly rare: It applied the First Amendment as written.

The court ruled that even a young student retains meaningful free speech rights, and that schools can only restrict speech when it is reasonably necessary to protect students.

The same system that lectures endlessly about “expression” and “inclusion” becomes remarkably selective when the expression cuts the wrong way.

Even when it comes from a first-grader with a crayon.

The Real Lesson

The child learned something valuable.

Not from the curriculum—but from the reaction to her drawing.

She learned that speech can trigger authority, authority often overreaches, and rights only exist if someone pushes back

In this case, a six-year-old did what a school district, its lawyers, and even a federal judge failed to do:

Recognize the First Amendment.

“My chilling conversations with the Unabomber and America’s worst serial killers when I ran a Supermax prison” (Daily Mail)

Bob Hood, the Supermax’s warden from 2002 to 2005, interacted daily with the infamous killer, using a Columbo-style technique to get him to open up.

I certainly didn’t need a “Columbo-style technique” to get Ted Kaczynski to open up…

Would YOU open mail from this man?

…and what Ted told me—and feared—about the dangers of technology… is coming true.

What a week—whew!

And you should too.