SATANIC DILLETANTICS: ONE HELL OF A STORY
The Santa Barbara News-Press Declined to Publish This Column
There is way too much evil going on in the world—and, tragically, so very much of it takes place right here in this country.
We have divisive political nonsense going on, senseless rampant crime unaddressed by feeble law enforcement, along with 105 wars and rebellions going on worldwide that involve the United States (your tax money). And to cap it all, the “largest satanic gathering in history” is taking place this weekend at Copley Square in Boston, timed (no coincidence) to climax on April 30th, which is Walpurgis Night or “Night of the Witches.”
SatanCon is the second such annual convention contrived by The Satanic Temple (TST), which is headquartered inside an old funeral parlor in Salem, Massachusetts (today a tourist trap that exploits the witch trials and hangings four centuries ago). Their self-proclaimed “sold out” Con (clearly the correct word, in my opinion, to describe themselves) includes presentations such as “Hellbillies: Visible Satanism in Rural America” and “Deconstructing Your Religious Upbringing” while its members conduct rituals such as “Unbaptisms.”
A “satanic marketplace” is peddling black hoodies and hot sauce.
Add this from TST’s website: “SatanCon attendees must have proof of Covid vaccination and must wear a surgical mask.” (Still? I suspected all along that the vaccine, lockdowns and masks were the devil’s work….)
The Roman Catholic Archdiocese in Boston plans to respond with “intense prayer” on the basis that any other kind of protest only feeds TST’s craving for attention and headlines. Indeed, the temple’s modus operandi can best be described as “in your face” or “shrieking for attention.” Clearly, they are big on gimmickry.
Father Vincent Lampert, exorcist for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis, told me, “The demon wants attention. Like a screaming child, it thrives on theatrics. The devil is an opportunist. Directly or indirectly, it will use any opportunity to unravel people’s lives and society.”
A TAX-EXEMPT NONPROFIT
In February 2019, TST was recognized by the Internal Revenue Service as a tax-exempt nonprofit religion even though it was founded in 2013 as an “anti-religion.” According to co-founder Malcom Jarry (real name, Cevin Daniel Soling), their application was originally just a ploy for making a mockery of tax exempt status for religions.
“Imagine if a satanic organization applied for funds,” Jarry/Soling told The New York Times back in 2015. “It would sink the whole program.”
Their goal backfired, the opposite occurred and now TST plugs itself as a national organization boasting 15 chapters, although a corporate data check shows that a chapter in Chicago is “inactive” and a branch in Texas, “previously/alternately” known as Satanic Temple Houston, is now called Bayou City Coalition.
Media reporting on TST activities in California suggests 500 temple members stretching from San Diego to Ventura. But a corporate search found only one California chapter, “The Satanic Temple of Santa Cruz,” whose registered address is not in Santa Cruz but, oddly, 282 miles away in Redding.
One of the temple’s programs is After School Satan Clubs. “Their real goal,” according to a priest with whom I spoke, “is to remove faith and belief in God by hiding behind a smokescreen of Satan.” This rings true because TST reportedly targets only public schools that offer extracurricular Christian programs.
One such “club” was launched four months ago at Golden Hills Elementary School in Tehachapi, Kern County. TST uses anti-discrimination laws/policies to force the issue by threatening lawsuits against schools if they do not allow a Satan club.
“They say it’s not a religion but a philosophy club,” posted parent Joe Lathrop on a Tehachapi community Facebook group. “Then why did they choose Satan? Why not the Jean-Paul Sartre existentialist club? They put Satan in the name for a reason. People should stop being intellectually dishonest and just own up to the fact that they want kids to worship Satan as a secular god.”
Another temple campaign strives to establish abortion clinics throughout the country where they intend to provide no-cost “satanic abortion rituals.”
TST is also filing lawsuits against states, like Texas, which require abortion regulations such as a mandatory waiting period between viewing pregnancy sonogram results and going through with an abortion.
In August 2018, on the Capitol grounds of Little Rock, Arkansas, TST unveiled a seven-and-a-half foot bronze statue of their presumed deity, Baphomet, a goat-headed, hoofed winged demonic creature and symbol of theistic satanism.
A private investigator who looked into TST summarized his findings to me this way: “We believe TST to be a collection of anarchic/pedantic/misnomers and paradoxical contradictions created to upset the System and sell soap. It appears that they allow their court cases to be handled by law firms that defend neo-Nazis. In our opinion they have to resort to antics to raise awareness of their existence. We wouldn’t put it past them to have paid for the protestors outside their last Con in Scottsdale, Arizona.”
“Misogyny, Racism, Transphobia & White Supremacy”
A few years ago, four ex-members of the TST in Seattle allegedly hijacked the temple’s web pages and accused the temple of supporting “misogyny, racism, fascism and transphobia.” They also alleged the temple’s leaders were “white supremacists” who endorsed police brutality.
The temple sued defendants Leah Fishbaugh, David Alan Johnson, Mickey Meeham and Nathan Sullivan in Federal court for violating the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act and defamation. As plaintiffs, TST bore the burden of proving co-defendant’s statements were false and malicious. Citing the doctrine of ecclesiastical abstention, the Court rejected TST’s argument and all causes of action were dismissed (sans sympathy for the devil).
TST is appealing that judgment in addition to having refiled part of their complaint in superior court.
Defendant Leah Fishbaugh states in her Go Fund Me page that TST’s “continued lawsuit against us” is based on draining “every last penny of our money as we are forced to keep paying our lawyers to answer TST’s increasingly ridiculous, already rejected claims.”
If true, TST’s action might constitute malicious (dare I say, devilish) prosecution.
TST also threatened to sue the State of Mississippi if they included the words “In God We Trust” on their state flag. (No such lawsuit appears to have ever reached the Courts.)
“A Perfect Possession”
The incorporated temple’s co-founder, president, treasurer, clerk and director is named in corporate filings as Douglas Misicko, otherwise known as Lucien Greaves (both are concocted names; he was born plain old Doug Mesner). Misicko/Greaves/Mesner claims his religion is non-theistic and that neither he nor his congregation worship Satan.
TST’s spokesperson in Colorado goes by the name Harry Hoofcloppen.
Yet everything about Greaves, Hoofcloppen and their disciples—from the way they costume and name themselves to their idolatry of Baphomet statues to their marketing of “Hail Satan” mugs—reeks of the dark arts and suggests otherwise.
We had a peek at Misicko/Greaves/Mesner’s deposition in connection with the HST’s lawsuit in Seattle and found it odd that, as treasurer, he seemed rather confused about the temple’s finances.
A website called queersatanic.com, sponsored by the defendants in the Seattle case, has posted these legal documents along with their own commentary such as: “The Satanic Temple is run by liars who at best are so incompetent and sloppy that they can’t keep track of where money is coming or going.”
Needless to say, a tax-exempt nonprofit must keep books and records to show it complies with IRS rules and regulations.
I reached out to TST for comment and clarification but heard nothing back.
The venerable New York Times acted as apologists for TST in April 2019 when it reported “you might be surprised to learn that a group of self-described satanists adopted a stretch of highway in Arizona and picked up litter with pitchforks.”
The giveaway was pitchfork.
Because, as we’ve all learned, if it slithers like a snake and hisses like a snake, well, you know the rest.
I asked Father Lampert if, in his opinion, he thinks the principals of TST are possessed by the devil or just screwing around without understanding the danger of demonic possession.
“It may be what we would call ‘A Perfect Possession,’” Father Lambert told me. “This is when someone unites their free will with the free will of the devil and completely surrenders.”
Monsignor Stephen Rossetti, Chief Exorcist of the Archdiocese of Washington and author of Diary of an American Exorcist, performs up to 20 exorcisms each week. He claims that number has grown exponentially over the past decade.
And thus, perhaps, a few more exorcists are needed to help see the devil off—or at least scurrying for cover.
That said, I suspect only two words—a British colloquialism—are necessary for “Lucien Greaves,” “Harry Hoofcloppen” and their disciples: Piss off.
If the real devil ever comes a-calling (and it may), TST’s Baphometic den of satanic pseudos would probably soil their diapers.
Beyond that, they deserve no further attention to fuel their foolery.