THE MISFIT UNIT: 28) JUDGE JUDY

My Saturday Evening Post: A Serial Novel of Intrigue & Lunacy

A pair of Justice Department attorneys arrives for an 8 a.m. conference at D.C. Superior Court.

The clerk offers them coffee, which both decline, before announcing their arrival and escorting them into Judge Rudolph's chambers.

The judge had no advance knowledge of what they wanted; only that they needed to address an issue of national security that somehow involves his court. He peers over paperwork piled like a mountain range across his large desk.

"Please sit down, counselors."

He finishes scribbling an opinion, and eyes the male and female government lawyers over reading glasses that droop down his nose. "What may I do for you?"

Carla Maybury speaks first. "Your Honor, you have a case in your docket, Rhoda Rigglesworth versus Ding-a-Ling Widgets and Jeff Dalkin."

A bemused Judge Rudolph removes his spectacles and rubs his eyes. "I should have known," he mutters. "Yes. You see all this?" He makes a sweeping gesture across the mountain range. "You've come to the right place. But pray tell me, why?"

"We don't represent any of the parties," says Maybury. "We're here on behalf of the FBI."

Judge Rudolph sighs. "Go on."

"Jeff Dalkin was once employed as a special agent by the FBI," says Joe Fulbright, the second attorney. "And Dalkin is currently engaged in an extremely complicated counterintelligence operation for the Bureau."

Judge Rudolph shakes his head. "I've got two sides, each one trying to show how much of a nuisance it can be to the other, filing multiple motions on top of motions... go on."

"Your court," Maybury takes over, "compelled Dalkin to answer questions in deposition pertaining to current employment. We would prefer that he not have to divulge his current association with us."

"You are concerned that this connection will embarrass the FBI?"

"No, your Honor," says Fulbright. "We're concerned that his cover will be blown and that, as a result, lives will be put in harm’s way."

"Have you taken this up with opposing counsel?" asks Rudolph.

"No, your Honor. The plaintiff is a writer. We believe that she will ultimately write a book about her experience with Ding-a-Ling Widgets. Obviously, we do not want Dalkin's activities for the Bureau exposed in a book."

"Obviously," says Rudolph. He considers this. "Counselors, you're not asking me to recuse Mister Dalkin as a defendant to this action, are you?"

"No, your Honor," says Maybury. "We're requesting that you rule to quash depositional testimony given by Dalkin on his current employment status."

Judge Rudolph reclines in his leather swivel chair. "The plaintiff is looking for millions of dollars in punitive damages. As such, her attorneys are permitted to ask Mister Dalkin about his assets and earnings. However, if you are willing to commit to me that Mister Dalkin's earnings from the FBI will be subject to garnishment if damages are awarded to the plaintiff, I will excuse him from this line of questioning." Rudolph shakes his head in exasperation. "This case belongs on Judge Judy."