WATER WORKS: 15) KYRGYZSTAN

Sunday Funnies: A Novel of Intrigue, Lunacy & H2O

18.

My motto on taking trips: Getting there is 80 percent of the fun.

Unless you're headed to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan.

The first leg to Frankfurt is enjoyable enough, as long as it's first-class—and with Pikestaff paying, it is. But when you rocket east of Germany aboard Lufthansa, it is all downhill. Even in first-class, German flight attendants beat you down with unwavering authority until you deteriorate into a rumpled clump of smelly togs.

That said, the Teutonic efficiency you tire of in the air is something you'll crave once you hit the ground in Kazakhstan, the entry point for getting into neighboring Kyrgyzstan.

I booked a car and driver in advance.

He navigates the declining roads in his diesel-powered Mercedes sedan.

Pinging through the Stans.

To a German-run hotel in Bishkek, with Germans straining to do their very best under Central Asian circumstances.

My bones continue to vibrate from motion; my mind, from latigue (a combo of jet lag and fatigue). I need a bar. When I find one, the choice is vodka: 22 varieties. But only vodka. I tell the Kraut to pour whichever’s coldest. After two shots, a hypnogogic hallucination cuts in.

19.

Come morning, once I figure out where I am, and why, I pick up the phone and dial Dulci Acqua.

A voice answers in a language that makes no sense at all.

"Anyone there speak English" I reach out. "Sprechen de English," I add for good measure.

The line disconnects.

I don’t know if I've been hung up on, transferred or disconnected.

I hold, feeling extremely foolish for not having phoned from Washington. No, I reassured myself—the element of surprise, always.

"Hello?" It is a puzzled hello.

"Is this the Dulci Acqua Consortium?" I ask.

"Yes?" It is a puzzled yes.

"Is your president available?"

"Who is calling?"

"Jay Sandak of the Enki Group."

"Hold on."

A full minute passes.

"Mr. Sandak." It is a deep, thick voice with an untraceable accent.

"Armand?"

"No. My name is Fog Mogens.” He pronounces this Mo-ens. “I am managing-director of Dulci Acqua Consortium."

"I'd like to meet you, Fog," I say.

"Why?" his is genuinely puzzled.

"To discuss water."

"You think we have something to discuss?"

"I think we have much to discuss. I'm in Bishkek. Can we meet today?"